I was wounded this weekend. It happens, and it’s never easy. What makes it tough, is when the one’s you trust end up wounding you. It comes from left field, out of the blue, blindsided, an eye-opening shock. Those kinds of wounds tend to be the ones that last the longest, the hardest to shake from and heal from. Parents, counselors, confidants, church leaders, and those you’ve really bared your soul to, if they are the one’s to wound you… oh man, it’s tough.
Now, I’m not the one to air out all my dirty laundry on the interwebs… mainly because I don’t know everyone out there. I recently put myself and my heart out on display for a group of people. They told me that due to my past decisions (decisions that I’ve repented from, asked forgiveness for, and believe have been redeemed from), I am not good enough for service. That hurts. It hurt when I was told that on Thursday. It hurt even more on Sunday.
On Sunday, I heard a message being preached from this church. It was a message full of the importance of forgiveness and restoration. The sinful woman who sinned much was forgiven much. Jesus looked past her sins while the spiritual leaders of her day were holding those sins over her head. It was a great scriptural message. The problem is, how can a church talk the talk but not walk it? Because when my sins were made known, I was cast out. It hurt.
What have I learned? I have a wife who cares for my heart. I have friends who know every single detail of my life, and love me (even so much to have awesome awkward lunches with me). I have a pastor who empowers me, even though I have made grievous sins in the past.
But most of all, I have a God who makes good on His word. He forgives, he redeems, he restores. He wants me to be like a Peter, a man who stumbled but is still equipped for good works. The word He gave me and asked me to repeat to myself over and over again is this: “Feed my sheep.” Thank You, God.
“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’ ’Yes, Lord,’ he said, ‘you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’” - http://bible.us/john21.15.tniv